Thursday, May 22, 2008

Be a winner - eat to get slimmer

Quick round-up of things that have gone on in the past couple of weeks:
  • I now officially have a one year old little boy. His party was a smashing success. Lots of friends and family, good food (if I do say so myself) and of course, the obligatory going ape-shit on the little first birthday cake. And WAYYYYYYY TOOOO MANYYYYY toys. JJ had the great idea of putting a few of his older toys away so we can bring them out later (after he's over the newness of his new toys), and it will be like we just got back from Toys'r'Us with a cart full of goodness. Worked for me, less shit to pick up at the end of the day!
  • My first mother's day as a mother of a child who wasn't still inside me. It was pretty awesome. JJ made my favorite salad, it's absolutely TO DIE FOR, with lots of veggies and this amazing anchovy vinaigrette. That's right, I LIKE anchovies!! Generally JJ took amazing care of me and lil' G, and a great day was had by all. I have to say, I love that husband of mine.
  • My mama came to visit for the first birthday festivities, and we had a fantastic time. I'm so glad I grew the hell up, because my mom's pretty awesome and I totally didn't realize that until I was oh, about 24. Maturity has SOOOO many benefits.
  • Lil' G has started walking again, and it's wonderful. He's practically walking the entire length of our living room again. I'm sure he'll be training for a marathon by the end of next week. Funny thing, though. When we're inside he goes absolutely mad and tears around the house like crazy. But once we go outside and I set him on the grass, he just sits there like he's paralyzed. He's happy, and he points at things and picks up twigs and whatever else he can find to play with, but he will.not.move.
In non-mommy related news (that's right, it's all about me!) I'm having some serious body issues right now. I've dealt for a long time with the whole self-loathing thing. I'm a recovering bulimic and my relationship with my external self has never been great. I was able to embrace my body while pregnant, I seriously LOVED myself when I was pregnant, and it was the first time in my life. However now I'm dealing with losing that extra 7 pounds from my baby weight.

I've never been good at dieting, that requires self-control, and although I can do many things, denying myself something delicious has never been a strong-point (which is probably a main reason why bulimia was my eating disorder of choice). As for exercise, I really do enjoy exercising once I get into a routine, but that's just the problem. I know that everybody complains they don't have time for exercise, but it's really true. I just can NOT get my lazy ass out of bed early enough to do things before work. I've tried, and failed every single time. I work from 8-2 and then pick up lil' G, and the boy will simply not let me work out for any lengthy amount of time. JJ usually isn't home until quite late, sometimes after G has gone to bed, and usually by that time I need to fix dinner, or I'm just so exhausted it takes everything I have just to pick up toys and clean the kitchen. I'm trying to work in little things, and now that it's nice we're definitely working in lots of walks, but it's just not the same as my good old days as the Precor warrior. We bought a spinning bike and I love that, too, it's just getting the time to do it. We could join a gym with a daycare, but I feel like I've already wasted so much money on equipment at home that it's absolutely ridiculous to spend even more money on things when I've got perfectly good equipment and DVDs at home.

The problem is this, I signed G up for swimming lessons and I have to actually wear a swimming suit to participate. I got a two-piece with a skirt to cover SOME of my cottage cheese thighs, but I'm seriously having problems with the way I look in it. I know I'm not the worst looking thing in the world, and I'm definitely not incredibly overweight, it's just frustrating. I know that my body type will never allow me to be a size 2, heck, I've never, even in my deepest throws of bulimia, been able to get below a size 6, but I at least would like to feel as good as myself as I did when I was pregnant. It'll take baby steps, my metabolism is not what it used to be, and I think I just need to be diligent and things will happen. It's just that damned patience, I've never been too good at that, either. But I have to say, just venting about it here has made me feel better. I'll try, I'll work, but I will never allow myself to get back into the state I was in high school and college. My health is too important now, because I'm a mommy. DAMN IT! That whole mommy thing again, I guess it's just the most important role I've ever fulfilled. And I love it!

Friday, May 9, 2008

What happened to the beauty I had inside of me?

The cast is OFF! Lil' G is getting back to normal, he's still crawling a bit wonkity, but he's starting to realize he can use his right leg now, he doesn't HAVE to stick it out when he's crawling. No walking yet, but I'm sure he'll be doing it in no time.

I absolutely can NOT believe my little man is turning 1 next Friday. Where has the time gone? A year ago I was absolutely freaking out, completely ready to be a mother, and this year I'm just completely confused. How is this possible? How did my little precious squirmy wonderful ball of joy turn into this rough and tumble crazy little boy? How did the little being who depended on me for everything become the same little boy who shakes his head when I try and feed him green beans? He has actually self-weaned, because it's just so much easier to drink a bottle and run around than it is to sit still and concentrate on nursing. He's just got so much energy and independence. But he still likes to crawl into mama's lap every once in a while for a cuddle. Maybe not as often as I'd like, but I THINK he's still a mama's boy. Which is just fine by me, because I'm completely head over heels for this little kid.

I'm so fortunate to be able to celebrate my first mothers day. And so fortunate to have such a wonderful family.